stupid legs

Treatment #4 came along and really really sucked. The usual nausea, blah blah blah but more of the heaviness in the legs. So much so it is just tiring to walk. I spent a week with the family in Pensacola the week after chemo and it was nice but would have been so much better if I hadn't felt like shit most of the time. I am beginning to suspect my legs will not be anywhere close to normal by the time #5 rolls around. If I weren't too busy typing this, I would be crying about that.

And of course. After the first few treatments I bounced back so well and when you're all whee! look at me! you do not sit around like grumbling like a negative nancy. Consequently, I decided for myself (because I am qualified to do so, what with my medical degree and all) that I did not need anti-depressants anymore. Who needs those! I can handle all of this JUST FINE. Bippity boppity. So I stopped taking them. Then after #3 when recovery wasn't so awesome I began to doubt my decision (really? but you were so sure!) Then my sister went to our family doctor and told him how I hadn't been taking my wellbutrin and he was so not on board with my just, you know, stopping my medication. And he might be right. Because, you see, when you don't bounce back quickly you begin crying! Everything makes you cry! When I look in the mirror, I want to cry. When I try to haul the two concrete blocks (formerly known as legs) around, I get weepy, weepy, weepy.

So I am back on the wellbutrin and it's a little bit stronger. I don't think it's really kicking in yet because it's only 11:04am and I've already cried twice today. I am major fun to be around.

I go in on Monday to get my blood counts checked because my red blood counts have been low and my platelets. I am going to ask a bazillion questions because I'm tired of asking google. I am hoping to go back to work on Monday too.

This post has been pure awful! Yay.