I have myself a merry little panic attack

I got this urinary tract infection, of course. Because my body's such a shitty teenager these days and just wants to see what it can get away with. I called my family doctor over the weekend, or rather the doctor on call for my doctor, and whined about how big and slimy the cooties are at urgentcare and how I did not want to go there and wallow in those cooties what with my compromised immune system. So that nice doctor called me in a 3 day supply of antibiotics. Cool, right? Yeah except for I took all those and I am still not right. I'm better, don't get me wrong. But I'm pretty sure I'm not right.

Today I called my doctor's office and he sent me to get a urinalysis. I guess I ended up in a cootiefied place after all. I hear you laughing at me urgentcare, don't think I don't.

But back to the weekend. Well Saturday in particular when I went to the bathroom no less than 1200 times because I was trying to pee normally. And even though I never go to the bathroom 1200 times in a day, it all somehow made sense to me to do this. I ended up calling the oncology nurse at 11pm just freaking out all over the place. Because my brain switch had been flipped to GLARINGLY STUPID PANIC. That's my highest setting! It's always a treat when that's engaged. Glaringly stupid panic means I race walk all over the house like an insane person. And I think things like 'I am having multiple organ failure.' I wish I were kidding about that. I mean, here's this rational nurse on the phone saying "You've had one antibiotic, you need to give them time to work" and I'm all 'WE ARE WAY BEYOND ANTIBIOTICS NOW. We're talking total system shutdown.'

And my poor, poor husband saying things like "Try to calm down" or "you're making things worse than they are" and I'm just looking at him like he totally doesn't get it. No one cares about my bladder. My kidneys are a huge joke.

Eventually he got me to lie in bed where I pretended to be okay. Then after he went to sleep, I got up about eleventy hundred more times to squeeze every last drop of pee out of my body.

I'm out of lorazepam. I wonder if anyone's noticed?