and tomorrow we shall have lasagna. maybe.

We won a million dollars! Oh no, wait a minute. There's just a new webkinz in the house. And it's an elephant. But we don't talk about it. It's like we don't even see it.

My husband fixed the oven! So last night I ran out and bought some food to stick in there and I watched it cook almost the entire time. I pointed out things like, "It's getting hot!" and, "The element - it's turning red!" Listen, and here's the truth, I know a lot about ovens and how they work such as they get hot and their parts turn red. That might also be how other things work. But really, I only know about ovens. I wish I could be more helpful.

I spent an hour last night trying to teach myself how to play harmonica. I can play half ass versions of Red River Valley and You Are My Sunshine. Sometimes I get disoriented and I don't draw in when I'm supposed to and I blow when I shouldn't (that sounds maybe a little gross) and damn, that ruins the song. I am serious though about this harmonica thing. I've been sitting here wondering if I should buy a more professional harmonica and give my daughter back the very nice but not professional harmonica she received in her stocking. I mean it is hers.

It is disappointing that I usually let my computer desk get cluttered up with crap. Damn, I almost typed 'cluttered up with crack.' Then I laughed and damn if I didn't spit on my keyboard. Well, there ya go. I am gross and I deserve this messy desk.

Oh, this area here, it is all junked up. We've got a tiara, we've got lego blocks, toy food, a fuckin' care bear. And we have papers, lots and lots of papers.

holy moly.

I just got an email from someone about a work-related web banner I made saying he liked it. That brings my grand total of positive feedback on work-related web banners to ONE. And that is AWESOME. I am totally thriving on the once a year positive feedback thing.

Because sometimes I feel like people would rather FALL OVER DEAD than say something positive to me.

God, I am so dramatic.

i admit i was mesmerized by the malt shop memories infomercial.

When my son says Little People, it sounds like hee hee butt. I'm sorry but it does.

So, whose child didn't want to give up his crayons in the doctor's waiting room this morning? Mine. Ha ha. It's a lot of fun packing out the kid who in four and a half minutes established a deep and meaningful relationship with the doctor's office crayons.

You know what I did this morning when my son was getting his flu shot? Of course, you don't know. Well, it's the first time I have ever done this thing that I did because I know better. I really do know better. But when the nurse stuck that really long needle in his leg, I gasped. Luckily, my son didn't consider getting the shot that traumatic because if he had then mommy gasping probably would have sent him over the edge. I don't know what came over me. It was just a reaction I suppose. I better not even think about gasping when my daughter gets her flu shot in a couple of days because that child is already screaming and twisting herself into the pretzel of despair before the shot even enters the room. Gasping around her would be the same as me screaming for us all to run, run, run for our lives.

a lilliott flashback: one year ago today.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I dole out snacks around here like a vending machine that takes screaming as payment. Har har. Now I can’t stop thinking about a vending machine that you just bitch at and eventually you wear it down and it gives you your snack. Brilliant!

I’m just kidding about the screaming. My daughter mostly does a good job of asking nicely for things. Usually. Not always. By any means. I mean she is only 4 ½. Learning to ask nicely for things from your parents – I don’t think that happens till you’re like 28.

My son colored on the island earlier. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Clean for his Magic Erasers. Because they have honestly erased so much from my life, but in a good way.

The speed with which my son makes a banana disappear frightens me a little. He causes a panic in the produce area at the store. The bananas see him coming and they begin screaming. And I slap them, of course, and say “Geez! Enough already with the screaming! Little drama queens!” Then I help myself to some of those neat banana stickers.

posted by Lilliott at 2:49 PM